I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
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You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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