can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize