I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
