So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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