i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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