I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Shame - the story of my life.
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