I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's always time for handjobs
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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