I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
