i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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