You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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