My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
