my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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