I want to stick my p in your. b.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
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And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
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Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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