I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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