Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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