She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
