go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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