How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
