I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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