You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
