You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
