I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
