Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
