So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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