haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
