Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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