I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
