why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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