I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
