I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
