So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
