Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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