im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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