Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
