There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
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Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
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Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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