Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
