i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
