Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
