And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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