Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
