he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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