Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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