I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize