More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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