Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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