I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize