I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize