god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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