If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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