I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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