i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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