I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
