CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
