can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
