it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
