All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
