I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
