We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
