flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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