he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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