i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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